Faith?

My whole life I've tried to find myself and figure out what im supposed to be doing. Through all those wrong doors and wrong turns I've molded myself. Maybe we create ourselves rather than find ourselves. All that time I was searching life was giggling at what I was just not getting. How childlike I looked searching for something everywhere else but within me. It almost makes me feel stupid although I know im not the first nor the last. Its almost flustering to know that I would have done so many things differently knowing what I know now. And then to think what if I did those things differently, would I still have my same friends? Same personality? Would I have met some of the people that changes my life? Would I be in a better pace than I am today? I like to think I live my life with no regrets, but having those thoughts in my head is that really someone who lives with no regrets, or are those completely normal thoughts most people have at one point in their life?
I like to think that everything happens for a reason but its kind of a hard pill to swallow. An even harder pill to swallow is the thought of a god, or higher being. Its hard to keep faith in this power that lets children die of cancer, that lets them be raped, murdered, and abused. I cant understand how a god could use children and torture them for their life, possibly their only life if you do or dont believe in reincarnation, or multiple lives. How God could want that for the child, how he could possibly have that in his plans.
For me religion has become something that is harder and harder to follow, and being someone who grew up in church for most of my life its hard for me to see myself slipping away from something I believed in so strongly. Is it the work of the devil? Or do I just not believe in religion anymore? I really dont know anymore. I my beliefs and my faith at times, and other times I really cant say for certain that I have a religion anymore. But then I see the terrible evil in this world at times and im almost certain that there has to be a devil, and if theres a devil then theres a god right? Or maybe I would rather think that people couldnt possibly without influence be that evil?
I dont really know, nor does anyone for certain know what lies beyond for us after we die, but I'd like to think that there is a peace and a beauty for us after we have passed. Faith can only positively lead us to death when it comes, beyond that point was the faith we had pointless? Theres so many questions we wont know until those days come and we arent a part of the earth, and our knowledge will be pointless.