Its exhausting to have your parents time and time again never choose to see a positive part of who I am. They cling to their comfort. And sick as it is, their comfort is seeing me at my worst. They love to tell people whats wrong with them rather then acknowledge the good in anyone. So when I am in a much healthier mental state and my self esteem was rising, of course my mom does everything in her power to knock me down. She doesnt want to acknowledge that I am in a better place, because then that would mean her religion is coming into question. How could you be gay and be happy? How could you say you love God, be happy and be gay? If you are happy with who you are and she doesnt agree, she comes in with the old stereo types of yourself that are years old. She loves reminding me of my darker place, when I am clearly in such a brighter place against their will.
Not only does she refuse to see the good in who I am becoming, she loves to play the martyr. Being offended that I am still bitter and angry towards how she and my father treated me when I came out. Like how dare I be angry for what she says "is merely a disapproval". That statement is utter bullshit. She tells me all the time that I am just so low on self esteem that I will go for whatever is there. Not only have i turned down quite a few men, I have turned down just as many girls. If I had low self esteem it would be because of her. She tells me that this is just a phase. That this is a form of demonic possession That no one in our family approves or likes that I am gay, despite the fact that each of them have called me on their own time and have talked to me about it.
Wanna talk about disapproval? Getting pregnant at 19, and married at 20, then having me 2 months later. My grandparents didnt approve but they didnt tell her she was damned to hell, that her actions were that of a demon, or show her any less love. Thats the difference between being morally decent and being ridiculously closed minded.
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