Question of the day

Q: What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

It is definitely easier to look into someones eyes when they are telling me how they feel. Neither are easy for me but if I had to choose to do one I would choose the second one. I have such a ridiculous fear of letting people in, and being too close, and being intimate with someone. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. To look directly into someones eyes when opening that cage of vulnerability is like letting a person who has never gone to medical surgery perform open heart surgery on me. It rips open every ounce of that wall you had up. 
When I have avoided eye contact in the past it was because I really didnt feel the words I was saying. Not to say i throw around emotions with people, because in the moment I believed that I had those feelings, and it wasnt until looking back that I saw the fault in my actions. Theres one person I have managed to open this kind of vulnerability to. And I have so many friends who have said that you cant love someone in a short time, and i just find that to be ridiculous. I cant say that in the past i didnt feel that way because I really did. I always thought you had to have a strong relationship before you could feel any form of love. And by experience with this one person, an experience so brief it hurts my heart, I know that its completely possible to fall in love with someone in  a short amount of time.
I believe in many soulmates in someones lifetime. Each one of those soulmates are meant to be in someones life but not necessarily meant to stay. Those soulmates are meant to make us question ourselves, theyre meant to rip open every facet of our mind and mix us up, theyre meant to shake our world up and leave us turned upside down. They are meant to poke holes in our heart and then leave with those holes gaping so that something magnificent can take its place and fill us up. 
When our heart is full another soulmate comes along and repeats the process, and this continues throughout our lives until we are who we are supposed to be.
She was one of those soulmates for me. I wish she was that one soulmate that never leaves, but that just isnt in the cards for us. Maybe she will be the soulmate that comes back. I dont know, All i know is I loved, and still love her with every cell in my body. She is the most haunting thought I have at night, as well as the most beautiful image I can conjur up. 
She is no where near perfect, and shes not even a healthy choice. But when you meet that someone and you just fall and open every door and lower every wall youve built your whole life, it sticks with you. And your friends wont understand, and they may think youre foolish, but you know the feeling of meeting someone so utterly special to your world. And that feeling of love will never fade in your mind. Its something you can always look back to and remember so vividly. 
And the first step to all of these feelings was staring straight into her eyes telling her how i felt. It was the beginning of such a crazy awareness of love.