Family

Family?

Before the judgments flow through the minds of anyone, let me state that family is supposed to be the most important foundation in our lives and yet I find it hard to say I care about some of my family.

Our relatives are our blood, through thick and thin? I think not. Just because someone shares my DNA does not in any way make them family. I think so many people forget this. Some have these strong values about family being everything, and I would agree. But a lot of the time people forget that family is a title earned not a rightful title given at birth.

I can accept the fact that there are blood relations that I do not love, and simply don't have a care for them for one reason or another. I've been given opposition to this from people saying that I am morally wrong for thinking that, and family is the only thing we can count on.

But what do you do when your family has proven to you time and time again that they cannot be counted on? Betrayal, lies, and heartache are not the characteristics I choose to associate with family. Instead of yearning for a side of the family to behave like decent humans, I found my replacement. I found my family among friends as well as certain areas of my gene pool.

I chose to make a family I could count on. Blood is simply a fact of a DNA connection . Family is what is felt in the heart. The ones you would turn to before anyone else. When I realized I would go to certain people before I would go to some of my family I knew that family was a matter of choice.

You can't choose the family you are born into, but you can choose who you consider family. My grandma once told me that saying some blood relatives are not family is like saying she was not my family. When in fact that is completely wrong because she has been like a mother to me.

Family is supposed to be your rock, support, shoulder, etc. When you have an undeniable love for someone, a love that you know you would die for, that is when you know you have family.

If family is everything, then I want my everything to be exactly what I choose to feel as family. Not this preconceived idea that anyone who shares my DNA comes first and foremost

I Can Watch This Over and Over

My first movie I can and have watched numerous times is Breakfast at Tiffanys. I can watch this movie two or three times a week and it will never get old for me. I first saw it my senior year of high school, and fell in love with it my first year of college. Holly Golightly is such a relateable character to me. She is this lost girl in New York City looking for money and her idea of love in all the wrong places. She is in the kindest of words, a gold digger.

Although she has her shady behavior with men, her character is completely lovable. She is frustrating at times, but even for an older movie, her character is easy to understand and relate to in any era I believe. A lot of her feelings and her characteristics are still extremely relative and comprehensive to a lot of women now.

She is simply a lost and scared girl. Her heart is genuinely warm, although her actions at times make her out to be a cold money hungry temptress. Her real warm hearted side comes into play when she meets someone who seems to challenge her views and doesn't simply bow down to her lifestyle. Although he is exactly like her, a gold digging man using a fortune of an older women to support him and further his career as an author.

It isn't until he meets her that he starts to really see the wrong in his way of living. He wants to make an honest living, and wants to find real love when he meets her. These characters are even today, modern. They just capture what it is really like to be a struggling young adult and the lengths some of us are willing to go to ensure their futures.

I can identify with Holly simply because I know exactly how it feels to be lost and scared in this world not knowing how on earth I am going to make it on my own. This character will always be relevant which is why this movie will never get old for me. No matter what era we are in her struggles and fears are the same fears everyone faces at one point in their lives or another.

You simply cannot live your life without these sorts of issues and fears which makes this movie a timeless classic. If someone cannot relate to either of the main characters then they are not living their life, or taking risks. I believe any age group can relate, whether you are a middle schooler looking for your place among cliques, a high schooler unsure of your future, a college student trying to get a degree and earn a living, a middle age person struggling with all the obstacles life has to throw you, or an elderly person unsure of their life's accomplishments. The theme of the movie is universal, and fitting to all ages.

It is a simple movie, with simple people living their lives as best as they can in their moments of confusion, love, and fear. The simplicity of the relationships is so realistic and just honest that I wont ever get tired of watching this movie no matter how many times I watch it.

soul mates

The day old question, Do soul mates exist?

Yes soul mates exist, but not in the way Hollywood makes them out. A soul mate is someone who connects with you on an emotional level, a deeper level than any other person has accomplished. A soul mate can be a friend, a family member, best friend, or the traditional one, a lover.

Soul mates are put in our lives at carefully selected times. I read once, "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."

There is nothing truer than that. They come in fill a void in your heart, warm a spot in there, then they leave, leaving a hole for someone else to come and fill with new knowledge and new experiences.

I believe our souls are connected with fellow souls, and much of our life is this gravitational pull to our next experience. If the reality of past lives is in fact true, then I am forced to believe that souls through time form deep connections, and search for each other constantly. And in a string of luck might possibly get to connect again. Sometimes maybe those souls face the same fate they have always faced and are forced to part, and maybe, just maybe they get things right in this lifetime and end up being together for this life at the very least.

Its a beautiful thing to think about, whether true or not, it is nice to think that maybe at one point in time those souls have touched each other. I don't believe we have souls, I believe we are souls, and these are our bodies. A mere host for this lifetime.

I have been lucky enough to have met two of my soul mates. One of them being my best friend, and the other a past love. How can anyone be sure that someone they meet is a soul mate? There is no clear answer, no right or wrong. It is all about the pure feelings. When you meet someone and you have that instant connection, it is undeniable that those two people are meant to be a part of each others lives, whether for a brief time, or forever.

These two people have touched my heart beyond feelings, they have graced my soul. They have both taught me things about myself, and life that I would not have otherwise had knowledge of. The love was short, but not forgotten. I will never not love that girl, but our soul mate time ended. Maybe one of those soul mates that is destined to repeat the past? The other one, my best friend, I could confidently say knows me better than I know myself.

Cliche, yes, but true nonetheless. She knows every nook and cranny of my mind, even thousands of miles apart, rarely seeing each other, and minimal talks, she is the closest person to my heart to this day. Closer than my family, and any partner I have ever had has gotten to.

Soul mates don't come once in your life, but throughout our lives, helping us shape ourselves. They are the people that walk us through obstacles we may not even realize we had until years later. They make you feel a little less empty, and a lot more whole. Their is no such thing as a perfect soul mate. They are meant to push your buttons, challenge you, and make you a better you along the way.

day 2 letter

Dear Dad,
well we dont have much of a relationship.. We talk but we dont really talk. We see each other but we dont actually see each other. We live on the surface towards each other, but no further than surface facades. Our version of affection is a quick pat on the back with no feeling. We dont feel in our family. We dont show that we love one another, or care about one another. I know its there, but we dont ever see it. I am just this person trapped in this body unable to show you who I am.
I dont blame you for your attachment issues. I have the same ones thanks to you. I just wish I could have the dad I had before you got cancer. The dad that was hilarious, and outgoing, and easy to get along with. The life of the party dad. I knew you before you had cancer, and we never got reacquainted. I will catch a glimpse here and there, its a rarity, like a brief window opens up and then closes back almost instantly. Sierra was too young to ever remember you pre-cancer. And its a shame, because anyone that knew you before can attest that you were 360 degrees different.
I miss that dad, and my sisters will never get a chance to truly see the man my mom fell in love with. Yes of course she loves you, or at least most of the time, but you arent the same person she married. She misses you. I know she does. She wishes she could have the Kevin that she met in high school, the one she married, the one she was happy to take home to her family and friends.
Its not your fault, I know that. But it doesnt make it any easier for us. And I know you feel it too. I know you can tell you are completely changed. Life beat you down and you got back up, but not without permanent scarring. And its just a shame. I wish I could have the relationship that a father and daughter have. I wish I could talk to you the way my friends talk to their parents. I wish I felt comfortable opening up to you, or to anyone for that matter.
 Ive let three people in my entire life. Two of them are my best friends. One of them broke my heart and crushed me from the inside out. And you wouldnt know anything about that because I cant come to you and talk to you about these things that go on in my life. I wish I could. I dont know why I cant let anyone in without taking off in the other direction sprinting away from anyone that could maybe poke a few of my walls.
Maybe its our family? Your whole side is emotionally destructive, and fucked up. Maybe its our curse. Or maybe its just some fucked up cycle that every generation keeps passing on. If I ever have kids, I hope to god I dont pass this fucked up mental health on to them. I dont think I will, simply because your side of the family is diminishing because theyre all too fucked up to be a real family. The only family I have ever had came from my moms side. That will be the environment they are raised in well before they get a whiff of the shit show your family puts on.
Well dad, Im sorry im not the daughter envisioned, or what not. I am not living the life you planned. But you should know better... Parents cannot plan their childs lives. It never works. I wish we could have that close relationship, but I simply know its not in the cards for us. Maybe one day. I say that with little hope though.

Day 1 letter

Dear Ex-bestfriend,

Its a shame things had to come to an end. But some friends are meant to stay in your life while others are only there for a short time. I dont regret anything, and im not sorry for anything you feel that I did was wrong. I always stand for what is right, even if that means standing against my best friends. I stood out against you and your actions and now you hate me, and thats fine. The loss of your friendship has had minimal effect on me, which leads me to believe that we just werent true friends the way you liked others to perceive. Truth is you have some serious psychological issues, and it all does stem from your mother. Your mother treats you like absolute shit, yet you still have this innate need to please her in everything you do.. But ill be honest right now, your mom is an evil person. She hates you for being gay, and as much as you want to deny it, or she denies it, the proof is in her actions and in her words. She told you that she only loves you because she has to, because shes your mom... Thats not motherly love, thats evil. I get your desire to be loved by your parents, but realistically thats not the hand we are all dealt. You had friends who loved you, and who tried and tried to be there for you. And you threw all of us away. Every one of your childhood friends, and any friends in between, you trashed in a cold manner. You simply said you didnt lose anyone of us, but you threw the garbage from your life. To your childhood best friends. You dont deserve fogiveness, and I dont expect your skull to comprehend that your actions and words are very wrong. I will never apologize for standing for what i feel is the right thing. Hope you have a good time with no friends and no one to turn to because you threw us out of your life. 

school assignment- gay marriage

Arieana Croom

Professor Yun

English 2

2 May 2013

Gay Marriage: Conservative For It

In this article Ted Olson, a lifelong republican, defends the rights for gays and lesbians to marry under the law. He acknowledges these opposing opinions and easily refutes them with some common sense thinking. He starts off with defending that allowing gay and lesbians to marry only “promotes the values that conservatives prize”.  Their whole goal for marriage is to have stable bonds, families, partners contributing to society and to our economy, and most importantly a loving household. Gays and lesbians are more than capable of creating this, and have proved so throughout history.  Olson states time and time again that no matter what the argument is against homosexual marriage, that it always derives with the same solution, it is unconstitutional to ban these people from marriage under our constitution and against what our forefathers wrote in the Declaration of Independence. Olson quotes Abraham Lincoln, “our forefasthers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal”.  It is clear cut in our constitution that discrimination and deprivation of our unalienable rights should not be deprived.

Olson acknowledges that some states do have homosexual marriage legal under certain state laws, but he calls for a national change in the ways we are treated. “The very idea of marriage is basic to recognition as equals in our society; any status short of that is inferior, unjust, and unconstitutional”.  He notes that yes, marriage has traditionally been held strictly between a man and a woman. And while the supreme court has always regarded our rights to marry in that notion, “the underlying rights and liberties that marriage are not in any way confined to heterosexuals”.

Californias unjust decision to ban gay and lesbians from marrying is described as “a union unreservedly approved and favored by the community”.  Olson argues that regardless of what we choose to admit to ourselves and others that homosexuals have always been in our neighborhoods, our workplace, and hell, even in our churches. We have yet to destroy or be unfavorable to anyone else. We have and always will be a part of our communities. As a society we have grown more tolerant, understanding, and accepting. These arguments for tradition seem to be a bunch of nonsense. It is tradition that gays and lesbians have been parts of creating our societies, and telling us otherwise is telling us that our relationships are less important, less loving, and less meaningful than those of heterosexuals.

Olson tackles the argument of procreation. The argument being that if the laws allow us to be married that we will “dilute, diminish, and devaluate this goal”.  Olson states the most common sense rebuttal to this. Gays and lesbians are still not procreating in the “traditional” way. That just because it is open for us to marry doesnt mean any more or any less heterosexuals will conceive children. Lifting the ban on marriage is not going to all of a sudden turn heterosexuals into gays and lesbians against their will, or brainwash them into liking the same sex. The fact is that the procreation argument, to me, is such a joke. Like Olson said it cannot be taken seriously. He notes that we dont ask whether heterosexuals are even planning on marrying, or if they can conceive for that matter. We allow elderly people to marry, prisoners, and any other people with no intention of conceiving marry with no questions asked.

Lets face it, us gays aren't ruining marriage, or the sanctity of it. People like Kim Kardashian, and Britney Spears are, yet they are free to marry for 52 hours, or 72 days, and then continue the patterns. The ridiculous argument that it could be so harmful for me to marry my girlfriend is disgusting. When people like that are unfit to be parents and don't take marriage seriously are free to marry and divorce as many times as they want. When Olson asked the judge in one of his cases what the possible harm this could do to heterosexuals, he honestly answered that he could not think of one.

“Confining some of our neighbors and friends who share these same values to an outlaw or second-class status undermines their sense of belonging and weakens their ties with the rest of us and what should be our common aspiration”. Even these religious people who think it is an abomination, demon possession, morally bankrupt, a sentence to hell and damnation, and utterly unacceptable, etc., the list can go on and on, have to acknowledge and not warrant the unequal treatment. Whether religious people want to admit it or not, science has proven their theories wrong. People  are in fact born homosexual, just as much as everyone else is born heterosexual. Just as the constitution protects religion, it also protects others from forcing their views on us. “I do not believe that our society can ever live up to the promise of equality and the fundamental rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness until we stop invidious discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation”.

The argument that it is just too soon is easy to refute simply because all of the states that have made laws protecting certain rights that homosexuals have. The only step that needs to be further taken is the national equality of marriage. Not long ago we had to banish interracial marriage, and segregation in schools. It almost seems inconceivable that its was less than a hundred years ago our country was fighting these equality issues. To see how far we have come as a country only promotes that creating all around equality is for the greater good. “How lonely and personally destructive it is to be treated as an outcast and meaningful it will be to be respected by our laws and civil institutions as an American, entitled to equality and dignity”. I see no reason that I should be forced to be a second class citizen.

           Part 2

I think in question one I made my stance pretty clear. My reaction to California's ban on homosexual marriage was obviously one of disgust. The fact that in this day and age I, as well as every other member of the LGBT community are in fact not equal to the heterosexuals in our state is heartbreaking ast best. The man my uncle has spent the last 6 years with, and himself cannot legally be married because of these nonsense laws. I’m nowhere near the maturity for marriage, but its sad to know people you love, friends and my uncle, who cannot marry the people they love because of the close mindedness of these people. If I wanted to marry my girlfriend tomorrow I should have every right to do so. My own pursuit of happiness, as well as many dear to me, have been denied for no legitimate reason.

personal

ive always known i had some suppressed memories of my childhood from when my dad had brain cancer. I always thought it was just one thing i couldnt remember though.. It wasnt until i was talking to my mom the other day about that time in our lives that i realized it wasnt just one thing i cant remember,  i am missing a whole time frame.
 She started recalling stories, and i couldnt remember any of them.. Its just so fascinating what the human mind is capable of to protect ourselves. I dont know why my mind repressed these memories. My dad survived his cancer, and its been about 13 or so years now. I dont know what my mind was trying to protect me from because theres a lot of things i do remember despite the many things i cant.
Its so strange to hear stories of things you did, and things you experienced, and feel like you didnt actually live that scenario, or moment in time.